Child Custody Expert

Parental Alienation

2011-07-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

More and more I am seeing people who are concerned about parental alienation. In high conflict divorces and separations, it is difficult to continue to support the other parent in the eyes of the child or children. Help is available through my private practice to help parents deal with their own feelings and how to parent in the best interest of the child.

Parenting Through The Holidays

2009-11-17T09:45:00.000-08:00

With the money crunch on every one's mind, I am hearing more frequently that families will be getting together to share the love rather than sharing a big expensive Holiday Season. There is usually a direct proportion between the size of the family gathering and the chaos that is likely to ensue; generally with the children having something to do with it.

Parenting through this can be more than a little daunting. I recommend a few ways to make things go much easier.

Discuss discipline with the parents who will be bringing children and come up with as close to a standard plan as possible. Discipline is not punishment; but a way to set boundaries that all children need and even desire on some level. Boundaries keep everyone safe. With the NOT PUNISHMENT idea in mind, talk about creative ways to set the limits when they are broken.
Each parent should discuss how discipline will be handled with their own children attending the Holiday Event.
Understand that in their own particular way each child will test the boundaries. This is very normal.
Be consistent in your discipline with the children. Each child will understand the boundaries in their own way. The boundary test will help all the children know that it is safe and the adults are in charge.
Discipline should be swift and carried out in a way that does not make the party a circus.
As often as is possible, the child that steeped over a boundary should be disciplined by their own parent. If this is not possible, any adult who knows the rules for discipline can help the child conform to expectations.

Enjoy your holiday knowing that it will not turn out to be like the movie, "Animal House."

James E. de Jarnette, Ph.D., M.A., Ph.D., FAPA

Special Holiday Season 2009....Are you afraid?

2009-11-12T08:34:00.000-08:00

It's the beginning of that wonderful time of the year filled with presents, parties, and a financial hang-over lasting till around January 15, 2010.

Intrinsically there is nothing wrong with the hectic pace of the Holiday Season. However, in these uncertain times with all the “news pundits" talking about the very hard days ahead, there is a good dose of guilt and shame that is attached to the holiday pace. Everyone wants to forget about the politico-economic times and return to the familiar ways of the archetypical season that has always been our escape “from and to.”

This Season this year 2009 has some special qualities. People are suffering from wars that touch us all, a political system that appears to be biting the hand that feeds it, murders at a secure military facility done in the name of God, and a President that keeps driving home the message that things are going to get worse before they get better…without an explanation that we can understand, and members of congress passing legislation that directly dramatically effects people for generations without even reading the legislation. It is no wonder we are afraid, worried, and overstressed hoping the holidays will give us some relief from the black cloud that seems to follow each of us, all of the time.

As an evidence based psychotherapist, I will always recommend meditation and prayer; but all too often I’m hearing that people can’t turn off the fright machine in their brains long enough for prayer and meditation.

Taking back control of our very self by actively striving for a constant continual contact with our own personal God will begin the process of truly going home. Then daily praying and meditation for as long as you can on a regular schedule (even in the darkness of a blank mind) strengthens our return home.

I will be talking more in the very near future of taking back the Self.

James E. de Jarnette, Ph.D., M.A., Ph.D.

Self-Help For Custody Issues

2008-04-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

In being aware of the latest trends in California Family Law Court, more and more people are representing themselves without legal counsel. In response to this trend, the California Courts have a self help website. The area that you may be interested in as far a child custody is http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/family/custody/ . This site gives good advice. A prolonged high conflict custody fight can easily cost tens of thousands of dollars because of the high cost of legal representation.

I found this site to be helpful for people doing-it-themselves. By reducing overall legal fees, a quality Child Custody Evaluation, counseling about custody issues with a psychotherapist, or going into a private practice mediation can still leave you with money to spend on the best interests of the child(ren).

My post-doctoral training at UCLA and Harvard in mediation and negotiation has been a great aid to people wanting and needing a less costly avenue rather than going to war with the attorneys being your knights fighting on the front lines of a court battle. In this way, you have direct imput and control of how your child will be raised.

Dr. James E. de Jarnette
www.drjim.org

Britney's Child Custody Courthouse Chaos! (1/14/08)

2008-04-22T07:53:00.001-07:00

This is what happens when a Child Custody Evaluator is not called in a timely fashion

Dr. James E. de Jarnette

When Do I Ask For A Child Custody Evaluation

2008-04-22T07:07:00.000-07:00

The best Child Custody Evaluators are those in private practice. They cost a little more but in my opinion the best interest of the child is served much more expertly.

As soon as you and your spouse, baby daddy, baby mother, etc. can not come to an equitable arrangement about the necessities for the child(ren), e.g. visitation, choice of school, which medical doctor to use, discipline of the child, general rules that the child must follow, counseling during the divorce or separation, high verbal or physical conflict, or an impasse regarding the child visiting relatives, etc. is the best time to ask the judge for a child custody evaluation. In California this is referred to as a 730 Evaluation.

There is a list of highly qualified Child Custody Evaluators who meet the standards of the Superior Court of California as to education, training, and experience. This list is on line as part of the Family Court of the Superior Court. You want to select an evaluator with outstanding credentials, training in forensics, has American Board or American Academy national certifications, especially in dealing with Traumatic Stress, and psychotherapy. Although the evaluator is not doing therapy, a good therapist is also a good communicator and a good listener. It is a good idea to select an evaluator who is older and has more experience; just theoretical knowledge is less than half of the picture.

If you have further questions, you may call my office at 310-289-8118 and I'll explain this process in more detail This decision to have a Custody Evaluator may be one of the most important decisions you make in the best interest of your child.

Parenting

2008-04-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have been working hard doing custody evaluations, child abuse counseling and seeing my regular psychotherapy patients. If more people would come for parenting counseling, custody evaluators, like me, would not see so many marital disputes that are train-wrecks for the children of divorcing-separating parents.

Having heard thousands of times, "Children aren't born with direction books attached at the heal, " does no good when the child's psychological, emotional, and physical life is headed down the toilet. "I don't think my child understands what is going on. We keep her out of our difficulties."

Children, especially very young children, are busy soaking up all that they experience, particularly the non-verbal experience with the persons, places, things, and events that are the neurological basis for the very formation of their world over the arc of their lifetimes.

A colleague of mine, Dr. Dan Siegel in his book, The Developing Mind, points out that the new infant's cerebral cortex is formed from the mother's gaze into the child's eyes. This face on face experience has been shown scientifically to effect the child's cortex to the extent that it is a duplicate of the mother's cortex.

This is the beginning of an attachment process that continues full speed ahead over the first 3 years, but continues at a little slower rate over the child's lifetime. About 80% of our communication is non-verbal. Do you really think that the child (and I'm including adolescents) is not effected just because you try to hide your conflicts?

Periodic parenting check-ups are very helpful in the best interest of the child(ren). Couples treatment is an absolute necessity when there appears parental conflict. Here in Los Angeles, 6 out of every 10 marriages will end in divorce, and this statistic is on the rise.

Are you really doing what is the best interest of your child(ren)?

I'm Mad As Hell and I'm Not Going To Take This Anymore" - Peter Finch Network 1976

2007-09-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

Denise Richards vs. Charlie Sheen, Kevin Federline vs Britney Spears, Whitney Houston Vs. Bobby Brown, Alec Baldwin vs. Kim Bassinger, and the possible Michael Jackson case are dangling (like his small baby). Anyone can't help but notice that bad behaviour and child custody are the new black in Hollywood. I watch E Entertainment News with Ryan Seacrest and I do know the difference between spin and the standards for the Los Angeles County Family Law Court. But, does anyone have any doubts at all that the best interests of the children involved in this media circus are at least in question? Do you even wonder if a child custody evaluation is going on for any of these at risk children?

If you were in a high conflict divorce where your children were involved would the court system act a little differently than in these high profile cases?

It appears that Britney Spears went out clubbing the very evening the Judge said she would have random alcohol/drug testing and that she couldn't visit with her children under professional supervision if she had any substances that are not legally prescribed for 12 hours before the visit. Is this behavior acting in the best interests of her child?

Anyone who has seen Bravo TV's " Being Bobbie Brown " can at the very least wonder if Whitney was under the influence during the now infamous Mothers Day episode when she shouts to Bobby ( while nervously puffing a cigarette ), '' The kids are scary. The kids scare me. They're like, y'know, jumping, playing, water splashing ". Happy Mothers Day Whitney, or to quote her famous Diane Sawyer interview when asked if she used cocaine : " Crack is whack " Is this in the best interest of the child ?

Only time will tell if these custody dramas will have a happy ending within a 60 minute ( 40 minutes if you count commercials ) time slot. Until then the words of Peter Finch ring true to me. Do they ring true to you ?

Second Star to the Right

2007-08-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

Hollywood Parenting : Kramer V. Kramer meets Peter Pan. An adopted child is an accessory to an image that has more levels than an artichoke. Even the judicial system and the enforcement personnel are sometimes bewildered by the Tinsel and Magic of Hollywood. A pregnant starlets jail sentence of four days is completed in less than 90 minutes, by order of the sheriff ; who has abandoned Nottingham for the profits and riches of Neverland.

Celebrity Fathers in full make-up dangle their children outside a multi story building. A coked-up Pop Princess finds it difficult to carry both her child and her vodka simultaneously (without dropping the cocktail ) ; but not to worry as the hired Manny/Bodyguard/Dealer catches the baby on the way to the asphault saving the day just in time. Handsome actors shouting verbal abuse via telephone to there tween children find their messege available on iTunes for a .99 download. Don't worry about the child, she knows Mommy and Daddy are just working in yet another production, which will all be explained to the masses courtesy of Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton. With children now a status symbol Custody battles are becoming fashionable after acquiring Hollywood' latest must have item. Tabloid media has us so conditioned that nobody cares the Emperor Has No Clothes.....just be sure to invite him to the next Holmby Hills play-date this weekend ( Nannies and Mannies are required to attend ).

What Happens in Family Law Court?

2007-06-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Dr. Jim: My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have a 6 year old son and we can’t agree on any custody arrangements. We each have temporary restraining orders against each other. What do you think the court will do? Janet K.

You are now entering an arena where your lawyers are your knights and the Judge is the King. The judge may decide he wants more information before making a judicial decree, and he may send out a member of his, “round table” (a Child Custody Evaluator) to closely assess the entire situation and report back to him. Please be aware that the King (i.e. the Judge in our metaphor) will make the final decisions and issue a judicial decree, which you will have to follow or suffer fines, loss of custody or even jail.

In Family Law Court, which is part of the Superior Court system here in California, the most basic rule for everyone involved is, “in the best interest of the child.” Obviously the definition of what is, “in the best interest of the child” will be made by the Judge. When you go to court, you get Justice, which is in the form of a judicial decree from the Judge.

This jousting in court is very expensive. I recommend that you attempt mediation with a private mediator who may also be a listed Private Child Custody Evaluator. In this way, each of you retain control of the outcome and the expenses are significantly less than the court arena.

I was trained at UCLA in mediation and in Negotiation at Harvard University. I have aided couples come to terms they can live with as far as custody arrangements are concerned. It is far less stressful on the child and you always can come back to mediation if there are rough spots in the parenting plan. I have been trained as a Parenting Plan Coordinator by the Superior Court of Los Angeles, Family Law Court.

It is my hope that this information has been helpful to you. You may contact me through my website: www.drjim.org or by calling my office at 310-289-8118.

Question: Before You Go To Family Law Court

2007-06-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

Question: I am a father and my wife has our child. I’ve moved into an apartment. We go to court soon. What should I do to maximize my chances of having joint custody of our son?
J.T. Los Angeles

The court is already pre-disposed to grant joint legal and physical custody. The first thing you need to do is have your apartment child-proofed for safety and get a professional to do it. You will need a certificate from the professional child-proffer to show the judge.

You need to totally refrain from talking to your child about your wife in any derogatory fashion. The child should be told by you that mommy and daddy are having problems and that these problems have nothing to do with him or her. This needs to be retold several times so that the child understands this.

You and your wife need to work out a parenting plan including
· The dates, times and place where the child exchange is to take place. The fewer exchanges during the week is best for the child.
· During your visits with your child make sure it is quality time with activities that you and your child can do together. At first and until you meet with the judge, it is better not to include extended family members in these visits.
· Make sure that any school or regular activity that your child is involved with has all your contact numbers in case of emergency.
· Make sure your child is covered by a health insurance policy.
· Let your child know through your body language that you care for him and love him as well as telling him that fact.
· Tell your child that you are not going away and will always be part of his life.
· Allow the child to call the other parent if he or she wants to do so during your visits.
· Try and keep the drama of divorce away from the child. Be civil and courteous to the other parent whenever the child may be around.

These are good starting places for the pre-judicial visit. The judge will set the ground rules and you must follow them. Do not let the child be a party to your stress during the divorce process.

If you need to do so, get counseling help from a therapist who is familiar with child custody. A good place to find such a therapist is by looking on the Family Court website and pick one of the child custody evaluators who are listed.

Part of my private practice of psychotherapy centers around helping individuals cope with the enormous stress of divorce and making recommendations of what a child custody evaluator is looking for if the divorce becomes high conflict and the judge orders a custody evaluation.

James E. de Jarnette, Ph.D., M.A., Ph.D., FAPA
310-855-1699
www.drjim.org

Adult Psychotherapy For Adults in Child Custody Cases

2007-05-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

Adult Psychotherapy for Someone
Going Through a High Conflict Divorce

Going through a high conflict divorce where the children are involved and custody is an issue, is one of the most stressful times in an adult’s life. The very thought of losing custody and not being able to continue as an active participant in your child’s life makes focusing on the day to day challenges of life extremely difficult. Although many psychotherapists are trained to handle people in crisis, this is a special type of crisis that has very long term consequences for you and your interaction with all the other people close to you, e.g. your family, friends co-workers, and for those you love.

Dr. de Jarnette is a Board Certified Expert in dealing with traumatic stress. He is also a listed Expert Child Custody Evaluator, a listed Expert Parenting Plan Coordinator (i.e. someone the court gives special judicial power to make custody decisions after the court orders the specific Child Custody arrangements at the end of your custody legal fight in court), and a listed Expert in Child Abuse Counseling with the Los Angeles County Superior Court, Family Law Court.

As a seasoned psychotherapist with over 35 years experience and having had outstanding training in the field (see www.drjim.org) he is very familiar with helping people like you deal with the enormous stress you are experiencing. Being a listed Expert Child Custody Evaluator himself, he is very aware of how important it is that certain issues a person may have be directly addressed psychotherapeutically. As a normal course of his Child Custody Investigations, he knows how much weight is given to any parent’s psychotherapy in dealing effectively and efficiently with issues that concern the best interest of the child in the final Custody Evaluation and the Judge’s decision as to how you will be allowed to participate in your child’s development into adulthood.

Dr. de Jarnette can be contacted for an appointment by calling 310-289-8118. A call to him now is the best solution to getting the compassionate care for yourself during this most important and stressful period of your adult live. He looks forward to your call. You’ll be so glad that you took this step for yourself and your children.

310-289-8118

Parenting Plan Coordinator

2007-05-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

Parenting Plan Coordinator(Special Master)Los Angeles County Family Law Court
Dr. de Jarnette was recently added to a new court panel as a Parenting Plan Coordinator (PPC). Because of the high volume of cases on the Los Angeles County Family Law court docket, this designation has been created.
Dr. de Jarnette is already a member of the Private Practice Child Custody Evaluator Panel and has an active forensic practice as an Evaluator. The process of appointing a Parenting Plan Coordinator (PPC) is much the same as that of a Child Custody Evaluator.
As a PPC, Dr. de Jarnette has a well defined role by the attorneys and the Court to act with quasi-judicial authority in making decisions regarding the Parenting Plan already ordered by the Judge. All decisions made by Dr. de Jarnette are filed with the Court and are subject to Judicial Oversight.
Some of the instances that Dr. de Jarnette would act as a PPC could involve such issues as resolving conflict over: schedule changes, extracurricular activities, holidays, vacations, special events, managing a child’s behavior, school selection, health care decisions, difficulties at the exchange of children between parents, parental behavioral problems, etc.
The process is much like the mediation- arbitration process but the PPC will make the final decision and an order issued. Dr. de Jarnette received advanced training in Mediation at UCLA and in negotiation at Harvard University. Having been very active in very contentious Child Custody Evaluations, he is excellent in coming to decisions in a plethora of child, parent, and blended family issues.
The costs to the parties are through stipulation very much like the ones used for Custody Evaluator appointments.
Dr. de Jarnette welcomes your questions and is currently accepting Parent Plan Coordinator appointments. He can be reached by telephone at his Beverly Hills office by calling 310-289-8118. His stipulations are available through fax or e-mail by request.
He looks forward to serving you, your clients and the LA Superior Court.

What Do You Want in a Child Custody Expert

2007-05-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

Knowledge:
Dr. de Jarnette earned a Bachelor’s Degree with majors in psychology, English, and Education. He continued his education through earning a Master’s Degree with distinction in Psychology, a Doctor of Philosophy Degree in Developmental Psychology with Honors, and a Doctor of Philosophy Degree in Psychoanalysis with Honors. He is a member of Sigma Phi Omega the National Honor Society in Gerontology and in Pi Gamma Mu the national Honor Society in the Social Sciences. He was recently awarded an Honorary Doctor of Philosophy Degree in Psychology for his overall life achievement in helping individuals and families experiencing traumatic stress, like high conflict divorces.
Continuing with the honors bestowed upon him for outstanding work are the Fellow status’ that he has been awarded by his peers in various national Associations. To hold such status, it is customary for a special Committee of Fellows to examine how one has added to the overall field and has been of outstanding service to the organization recognizing one by this designation. Dr. de Jarnette was designated Fellow by the American Psychotherapy Association. In the American Orthopsychiatric Association he was designated Life Fellow. By the American College of Forensic Examiners he was designated Fellow. The American Board of Medical Psychotherapists designated him Fellow. He was designated Fellow by the National Association of Grief Therapists

Experience:
Dr. de Jarnette began practice in 1973. He has continually been in the private practice of psychotherapy and psychoanalysis since that time and has performed custody and custody related evaluations since then.. Recently he has updated his education and is working in the cutting edge field of neuroscientifically informed psychoanalysis and psychotherapy that adds a new dimension to his further understanding of how divorce conflicts can have lifetime effects on your children.
A diplomate or Board Certified Speciality is a designation that one works very hard to get. It is based upon knowledge and experience as evidenced through testing and a strict credentialing process. It is like what your medical doctor went through in order to get his Diplomate in Internal Medicine, Diplomate in Neurology, Diplomate, in Family Practice, etc. The majority of doctors have one or two diplomates indicating areas of speciality.
Dr. de Jarnette has these special area designations: Diplomate, American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress; Diplomate, American Board of Medical Psychotherapists and Psychodiagnostians; Diplomate, American Board of Forensic Examiners; Diplomate, American Board of Forensic Medicine; Diplomate American Board of Psychological Specialties (Forensic Psychoanalysis); Certified, National Academy of Certified Family Therapists; Certified, National Board of Certified Hypnotherapists; Diplomate, American Psychotherapy Association; Certified, National Board of Certified Neurotherapists; Listed on the Child Custody Evaluators’ Referral List of the Los Angeles County Superior Court.
With the knowledge that Dr. de Jarnette has demonstrated as having through obtaining these credentials, he is a very gifted expert in aiding the Judge in finding what is in the best interest of your children. Isn’t that what every parent ultimately wants?

Clear Communicator:
Communicating your struggle to give your child the very best is at the heart of a child custody evaluation. All the expertise and training comes close to zero without an ability to communicate to you, your child, and ultimately to the judge both in a written and spoken medium.
At the very beginning of his career, Dr. de Jarnette knew how very important communication is particularly in the field of Psychology. He began his studies by taking a second major in English and another major in Education in addition to his major in Psychology at the Batchelor’s Degree level. While taking these majors he was Editor of 2 school newspapers and Chairman of the Faculty-Student Forum. He gained honors in public speaking contests.
Dr. de Jarnette served for five years asEditor for PsyBC a continuing education website in the Behavioral Sciences.
For several years he wrote reviews of books for the Metapsychology Internet site, which reviews books in the larger field of psychology. His reviews focused on child custody. He is published in various professional scholarly journals.
For the 2004-2005 term of office, Dr. de Jarnette was elected President of the Biofeedback Society of California. Biofeedback is a science of “talking” to your body and getting meaningful responses so as to ameliorate problems or work toward peak performance in many areas of mind-body relationships. He now continues to be active on their Board of Directors.Sought after as a public speaker, he has been an invited member of the International Platform Society. He has been a Lecturer in psychology both at the graduate and undergraduate level at Loyola Marymount University teaching courses in Law and Ethics as well as Psychoanalysis and Clinical Hypnosis.

2007-05-09T10:25:00.000-07:00