Question: Before You Go To Family Law Court

Question: I am a father and my wife has our child. I’ve moved into an apartment. We go to court soon. What should I do to maximize my chances of having joint custody of our son?
J.T. Los Angeles


The court is already pre-disposed to grant joint legal and physical custody. The first thing you need to do is have your apartment child-proofed for safety and get a professional to do it. You will need a certificate from the professional child-proffer to show the judge.

You need to totally refrain from talking to your child about your wife in any derogatory fashion. The child should be told by you that mommy and daddy are having problems and that these problems have nothing to do with him or her. This needs to be retold several times so that the child understands this.

You and your wife need to work out a parenting plan including
· The dates, times and place where the child exchange is to take place. The fewer exchanges during the week is best for the child.
· During your visits with your child make sure it is quality time with activities that you and your child can do together. At first and until you meet with the judge, it is better not to include extended family members in these visits.
· Make sure that any school or regular activity that your child is involved with has all your contact numbers in case of emergency.
· Make sure your child is covered by a health insurance policy.
· Let your child know through your body language that you care for him and love him as well as telling him that fact.
· Tell your child that you are not going away and will always be part of his life.
· Allow the child to call the other parent if he or she wants to do so during your visits.
· Try and keep the drama of divorce away from the child. Be civil and courteous to the other parent whenever the child may be around.

These are good starting places for the pre-judicial visit. The judge will set the ground rules and you must follow them. Do not let the child be a party to your stress during the divorce process.

If you need to do so, get counseling help from a therapist who is familiar with child custody. A good place to find such a therapist is by looking on the Family Court website and pick one of the child custody evaluators who are listed.

Part of my private practice of psychotherapy centers around helping individuals cope with the enormous stress of divorce and making recommendations of what a child custody evaluator is looking for if the divorce becomes high conflict and the judge orders a custody evaluation.

James E. de Jarnette, Ph.D., M.A., Ph.D., FAPA
310-855-1699
www.drjim.org